This post was inspired by a question from a good friend, who has a family member with a teen daughter with an Instagram account. The advice in this blog is aimed toward talking to young people on the female side of the gender spectrum but has resonance for all young people. Obviously, it isn't only about Instagram.
"I'm not myself."
This is the reason clients most often give me for coming to see me. They have been waking up, wandering through their days with a vague sense of unease, some inherent knowing, that things are not the same as they were before.
It's not that I can't help you cope. I mean, of course I can, that is the whole point of therapy. What I'm trying to get at here is I can't do it in the way you may think that I can and there are really good reasons for that. I want to explain what they are.
What's between you and me? We rarely ask this question in our relationship. Sure, at the beginning we might have questions like this more at the forefront. "What are you looking for?" "Where is this going?" "Who are we to each other?" These are all questions we ask ourselves and often our potential partners. It can set the parameters of what comes next. We are dating. We are moving in. We are getting married. We are living life together.
There are so many places to get parenting advice. Your friends, your doctors, your mother, everyone has something to say about the best way to raise a kid. I don't claim to have a monopoly on advice but I do have a unique perspective that is informed by both my training and my years of watching the results of all sorts of parenting decisions as they play out in people's lives.
Healing from trauma is possible with the right tools and experience.
Like many people, I have found the reports of the recent suicides of 4 members of the Canadian Forces to be profoundly upsetting. Each of these men decided to devote themselves to an occupation that requires what they call “absolute liability”. That’s the fancy term for “you could die as part of your job requirement”. They all accepted that as one of the terms but I know they didn’t accept or consent that the death would be at their own hands.
Most of us are familiar with the idea of getting help when we are unwell. When we have an infection, we seek medication. When we have an injury, we seek remedial treatment and rehabilitation. If something snaps or tears, we get it sewn up.
We’ve all been there.
“If you don’t x, then I will y“!